“we’re all two beers shy of happiness” – Gordon Keith
In my case…I’m always two cases shy! I’m not saying that I don’t enjoy a beer or some whiskey now and again, but not that long ago it became considerably less interesting and stopped providing a buzz or a high that was worth the regret or inability to focus and be devoid of that foggy feeling. Dare I say that everyone has had that moment that just felt like a smack in the grey matter…the one that makes you nearly say out loud “oh. I get it now! Duh!”
Welp! I had that not too long ago. It was brought on by way of being around others that don’t drink, as well as listening to Armchair Expert w/ Dax Shepard. After listening to story after story of people my age trying to pick up a soup sandwich and failing miserably time and again, I just felt a bit sick to my stomach and ashamed. Although I had never come close to things that Dax or anyone else on his show have done or been through, I identified in my own ways. It had me reflecting on all of the relationships that I have had with people and how I continually mistreated them.
Ya see for me, it wasn’t verbal or physical abuse. It was just plain out NOT SAYING ANYTHING. Not talking about I how I really felt. Not contributing both mentally and financially. Simply not saying how I wasn’t happy. Instead I would just throw back a case of beer or as much of a bottle of whiskey as I could during the day while everyone worked, and sometimes extended that into the evening.
I really started to re-evaluate what I wanted and more so, how I wanted to feel, back in October of last year. I took some time to see my mother here in Iowa…I haven’t left yet. Here I am three months later FINALLY feeling like I have a clear path for what I want and need to do in order to make things better for me and others around me. And while I have ZERO notions that this is suddenly a dreamy course of certainty, I do KNOW for the first time in 44 years that my path is clear.
I still haven’t shared every detail of my thoughts or actions with important people around me. perhaps I’ll start today…or not. Either way, I am confident that these actions will no longer hurt those around me…and that is the important part.
So from this point
So I guess when something stops working, when it stops soothing your pains…you should just chin-up and find something new. Something proper…